So...here I sit...

I am at a crossroads. I am fat, I love food, I love sweets, but I love my life and I don't want to die. That should be my motivation right there. I have seen several of my friends get sick recently because they haven't taken care of themselves, yet here I sit eating chips or candy or ice cream like I don't have a care in the world. I DO have a care...ME! I care about me, but I lack the will power to do anything about it but mope around feeling sorry for myself. I am so very uncomfortable in my own skin. I look at myself and wonder how others can stand to look at me. I feel like I'm the elephant man or the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I have the skills to properly look after my diet and to incorporate exercise into my lifestyle, but here I sit, sitting....doing nothing about it. My job, though not terribly difficult, is stressful by nature. It is made more stressful, however, due to lack of personnel and personality conflicts. We work at least 40 hours of overtime a month, sometimes more. (my highest has been 101) We volunteer for some, forced for the others. Help will come, but it's a long, slow process. Where does that leave me in the mean time? I'm very overweight, ex-smoker, horrible eater, non-exercising, and that's just part of it. I worry I will die and leave my husband alone. He will find another woman, I know, he's just that great of a guy. He is my soul mate, my best friend, my love, my MUCH better half. I feel like I was born to be with him. The moment I met him I knew there was greatness with us. The day we met I feel like I was awakened from some weird sleep where I existed, but wasn't really there. I don't want US to end so soon. So what can I do, where can I find the will power? I am such a weakling when it comes to my own life..........